You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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