With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
