omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
