So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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