dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
