no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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