I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
