Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
