And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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