chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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