I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am midnight drunk by noon
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
