I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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