My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
