He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
