I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
