i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
