i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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