it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
