I bet he comes in French.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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