so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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