The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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