In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
