I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
