$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
