this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
