just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
