why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
operation have a gay friend backfired
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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