3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yo dont text me then not text me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
