Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
