Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
