He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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