Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
