All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
