I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
