I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
