he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
