Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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