I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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