were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I love you. Go after that dick
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
