So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
