The maid of honor just puked.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
