she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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