First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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