Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
