You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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