question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
