I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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