My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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