i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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