Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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