I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
