I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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