im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
