I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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