woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
