I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
